What to blog about?

Part of the issue is I took so much time off of blogging because real life got in the way -- well not in the way -- but my focus and energy was on helping to build, get the word out about a co-op I was co-starting that I got sucked into facebook.

Wow, facebook truly does suck you in once you are there -- I had no clue. Now, that the kids are older teenagers, high schoolers, I feel a bit lost on what to blog about.  I look at all the blogs I have followed, new blogs I'm following and I see all the projects, arts, crafts, hands on activities and while we have had our share in recent years of those things -- life here is well -- boring -- not blog worthy.  That with one in public school (against my wishes) and the other might be going there too (against my wishes) -- I won't have much to blog about in terms of homeschooling and high school -- at least not from a personal experience.  Of course I'm praying, hoping, talking with my husband (the reason public school is even on the radar) and trying to have that changed.  I truly want my kids home, I want to be homeschooling, them and seeing them through until college.

In the mean time it has left me kind of in limbo for the blogging world.  My time off has lost me my steady readership and make feel alone at time -- seeing interaction is next to nothing now.  I feel like readers would want to come here and see posting filled with cute pictures, tips, and other things about homeschool -- every much like how it was in the beginning of this blog.  Oh look we went to the museum today, we did this art project, we did this craft --- etc.

We do things but not weekly -- not at the level that it was -- we have clearly gone more of the textbook type of schooling as the kids have gotten older and honestly there is nothing fun about hey here is a picture of the girl once again sitting at the table doing her math work, or on the computer working on her reading skills,  Just last week we dissected owl pellets and I did post pictures up on my facebook page, but that was the first thing we had done in months -- that was perhaps blog worthy -- or least what I felt was blog worthy.  However, instead of blogging about it. I opted for the easier route of just posting a few pictures up on facebook.

I want to blog, I would like my readership back, I would like new readers to interact with, but I'm lost on what to actually blog about, talk about, do.  Even though my kids are older and actively homeschooling is coming to a fast close for me, homeschooling, parenting, etc is still a huge passion of mine.  I just don't want to fill my time with blogging about all these things that I'm not actually doing myself -- any more -- or blogging about the pass, etc.  Remember that time when my kids and I did this, or that time my daughter threw a tantrum over math.  That is what made blogging someone fun back in the day -- I was able to vent and share and know I wasn't alone and show others hey you are not the only one. Homeschooling is not prefect, there was some bad days, days that perhaps make you want to throw in the towel -- but even then it's still worth it.  We can over come the bad days, the tantrums, and our kids will be great because of it.

So I'm in limbo it seems? What would you want to hear about from a veteran homeschooler. I guess that's what I am now -- someone that has been there, done that -- I still want to be in the trenches. I got high schoolers now, so raising the kids is not done with -- but homeschooling high schoolers is not the same as elementary kids.  Most of the blogging I have done here my kids were elementary age.   High schoolers, at least for us, you give them a stack of books, list of assignments, and they read and do it. If they have questions they come to your or an consult and you check the work over just to be sure they got it and didn't blow it off -- but there really isn't much more to it. Sometimes there is a couple of labs to do in science which you again might work with them or just give it to them and say here you go.  -- sigh. This mama just doesn't know what to do anymore.

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When sickness has you down

Everyone in the house has been sick this week. Superstar, 13 now, and Web-Princess, 12, have been dealing with a nasty cough and fevers at night. They wake in the morning fever free and still coughing, but as the day goes on their fevers come back and the coughing gets worst. Hubby has been sick and so have I. It makes for a long week.

It is hard when they are sick not to get into that "oh, no we will be behind" mind set. You would think after 7 years of homeschooling I would be over that. Nope, I'm not! I think as they get older it gets harder to fight that. Especially, seeing Superstar will be high school next year. Yes, I'm just one year away from having a high schooler. As I look back at my older posting here I wonder where the heck did the time go.

How do you fight the "Oh, no I'm behind" thinking?

He blogged!

Yesterday, my DH posted his every first blog post on his blog. He's had the blog for a while now, but never made a post. If you are a lostie (lost fan) you might like what he wrote on his blog.

Lost!

This blog is about my homeschooling efforts as much as it's about my life as a Catholic-Christian. Part of being a "good" homeshooling mom is teaching the kids about God, faith, trust, hope, grace, etc.

Can I just be honest and say I just don't know anymore! I've felt the distance and disillusion for a while now, and I've just been going through the motions. I know in my "head" what all the answers are, and I've been good to spout out those things for others that are in my state of heart, but seriously there is a difference of knowing something in your head and feeling it in your heart. My heart has felt empty from some time now.

Sometimes, I lay in bed at night question if God is real, mainly because I feel so empty. I wonder in my head and propose things like well if he was real then xyz should happen, almost as if to dare God to prove his existence. Especially seeing my heart feels so empty now. I have read the many conversion stories of the saints and conversion stories of the unknown saints. Can I just say that at times these stories brings me sorrow, because I wonder what makes them so special that God shown himself to them in the way THEY wanted, and I'm left feeling in the dark.

I'll be honest; I know that's it's "bad" for me to think that way. After all I'm sure God has his reasons, after all every child NEEDS things differently at different times. We don't always get what we want, we get what we NEED and at times our wants and needs are the same. See that's the logical side coming in and rationalizing it for me, but in my heart I'm still wondering why, what's so special about them.

In the truth of honesty I haven't been to confession for a good 2 years now, and I thus I haven't received communion in this last year. Perhaps the lack of receiving has caused my heart to feel so empty. I don't know...

I've come close to going, but I haven't gone. Back in January my DS received reconciliation for the first time. It was a family event and the parents were encourage to be there and go AFTER the kids gone. As I blogged about it earlier, I was going to go until I learn there would be treats for the kid. Well honesty, I used the "treats" as an excuse not to go. I also never went the following week, nor have I taken my DS to confession. DH has but I have not.

The next closest time I came to actually doing a confession was this past Sunday. Our parish offers coffee and donuts after the 9:00 am Mass. Fr. B is always good about popping in at coffee and donuts and greeting the people. He's a good priest in that regard.

When he approached the table I was sitting at I thanked him for making my son's day last Saturday. You see my son had his first communion retreat this past Saturday and was making his banner when Fr. B stopped in to say "hi". He told my DS that he like his banner. So I shared with Father how that made my son's day. We went home that day and all my DS could say was how Fr. B liked his priest. (DS put a priest on his banner, I would add that DS was the ONLY one to have a priest on his banner; Is that saying something?)

Father, started to talk about parenting and I made a comment how it's hard because you are reasonable and scary because they (the children) call you on so much, and make sure you follow the "rules".

Father B, looked at and asked, "You do go to confession regularly don't you?" I didn't vocally give my answer, I just hung my head and shocked my head no. Fr. B immediately sat down and preceded to tell me it's not that hard, I don't have to go in the confessional, we could do it in his office, etc. He basically said everything he could, just short of telling me to do a confession right then and there.

I listen to everything he said and with tears in my eyes and I just sorrowfully looked at him and said "I know,I know, I know; I just don't understand what's stopping me, and it's so frustrating, because in a few weeks my son is going to receive and well I want to be able to too." At that very moment my DD (almost 7), who had been off playing, jumped into my lap and said "Mommy!!!" Well DD being there changed the mood. Father said a few words to my DD and then turn to me and said well I have to talk to the other people and left. So close yet so far way!

My just so lost! I know in my head what's missing, it's just getting my heart to follow and take action. I know it's NOT my church! It's ME!! Going somewhere else is not going to "fix" it; I know that....Please pray for me, because I don't know what else to do any more.