Traveling down the road of socialization

What about socialization? If you have homeschooled for any length of time you know this is always asked.

Having to send my son to public school this year, against my wishes, I realized socialization was easier when we were homeschooling exclusively.

Why? Simple? You know your kids friends, you know the parents - or at least be able to recognize them in a crowd. You most likely have at least have said hi to the other parents, hi to the kids, and feel comfortable with being able to talk to the other parent if there is a need.

The boy has been in school now for 5 months. I have met no one. I know of names, he talks about them, but have met no one.

Tonight he was invited to a party, not by the host or the host parents, but by someone else that was invited. He was told about it today and came home asking can I go?

What was I to do? The party was to be at a local pizza place in just over an hour from when he told me. I do not know the parents, the kid who the party is for, and unsure if he really was welcomed.

Did the parents paying for the food really plan on my kid being there too? I have no one to call. The only contact info the boy has is the friend that invited him.

What about socialization? What about it? At least with homeschooling I knew parents, truly knew who my kids talked to. Not because I want control of that, but because I can say I know and with them being teens can say at least I feel like they are with good kids.... when they do things with their friends  I or another parent is not around.

I understand, with my 5 month exposure, how parents can know nothing about their child's friends. I dropped my son at the pizza place. However I did not do a drop and run. I am sitting here, alone, eating my dinner (and blogging) while my son is in the party room. It's been several hours now and seeing my son is in the party room I guess it was cool he's here ... but I still have not met anyone.  And I seriously don't think I will.

It blows my mind. If it was my kid's party and a child I never met showed up I would be asking is your mom or dad here? Is it possible to meet them? I would welcome the child, even if I didn't plan on having them there, but I would be looking for the other parent to at least say hi, introduce myself, and let them know how long the party would be.

My homeschooling is NOT a reflection of you

My homeschooling is NOT a reflection of you

So I did it! I took the plunge and did my very first periscope. I will admit it's not very good. I was nervous, thoughts I had planned out in my head didn't come out of my mouth.

It's it funny how you can have a whole conversation in your head and when it's time to speak you loose it.

Things to do different next time:

• make a list of power points I want to talk about. Actually write it down!
• have more a prep time. I decided last night I was really going to do this thing and picked this morning as the date. What I should have done was give myself more time to focus in on what I wanted to discuss.

In the grand scheme of things it wasn't horrible, but it wasn't what I planned on in my head.  I was going to focus on how my homeschooling is not a reflection on you and I was going to address what to do with those awkward moments when you tell someone you homeschool and they give you a litany of reasons they don't homeschool. Or how your homeschooling can be different from other homeschoolers and they or you shouldn't feel bad for not homeschooling the same way even if using the same materials.

I wanted to point that you shouldn't feel bad for choosing to homeschool that even when you are 8 years into it, like me, you are still going to be faced with people that will give you a litany of reasons why they can't homeschool, or all of the sudden get defensive. It's okay they do that. You don't have to take it personal. Just know that what I'm doing with my children is not a reflection of you and your parenting, your choices, and your lifestyle.

That is where I wanted to go that is where I wanted to talk about, but I spent more time rambling about why my son is in public school this year and myself then anything else. The result really of not being fully prepared for today.

See for yourself! You can "katch" the replay on my katch me page or you can see it below. 

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Socializing

It's funny how after all these years that dreaded s word can still come up. It in the beginning it use to throw me through a loop and I used to get annoyed and didn't know how to answer. Now I just point out how school is not for socialization. Socializing at school means being sent to the principal office or letters home.  Think about it!  The only time a child can truly freely talk to the other children is at recess and maybe at lunch time. Although, some schools discourage talking at lunch time.

Homeschooling doesn't mean you are home all the time. There are still many of the same outlets available to homeschoolers. My kids still go to church, youth groups, scouts and chorus. Over the years they have, also, participated in sports. All of these things are after school programs. Programs that generally open themselves up to more socializing and free time with other children. Yes there are times within these programs where the kids have to listen this is especially true with sports and chorus, but relative to the time spent at these events and school there is more time for free talk or play.  Plus there are homeschool groups that offer classes, field trips, holiday parties, and just time to hang out. My kids have friends they invite over or call on the phone regularly.

Really where a child goes to school (or not go) does not prevent them form socializing. Socializing takes place in the real world around all kinds of people and situations: grocery store, other stores, scouts, sports, church, post office, doctor office, nursing homes, soup kitchens, libraries, homeschool groups, etc.

What's wrong with being quiet and polite?

It's funny the things people say to you about your own children.  Superstar has joined boy scouts recently. Well, at first he was in cub scouts, but just bridged over this passed weekend to boy scouts at the annual blue and gold banquet.

As preparation for the banquet the boys were invited to go to another scouters house to decorate cupcakes. It was an open house type event -- just show up whenever you can between 5-7.  It was decided I should take him because the host was another homeschooling mom and we thought it would be nice for me to able to meet her. It was nice to meet her!

Anyway, when we showed up and all the boys that were there were already downstairs playing games, because they had already decorated their cupcakes. As soon as we arrived Superstar washed his hands, decorated his cakes, rewashed his hand, and then walked up to me and said "Okay I'm done, we can go". I then said to him "Well, didn't you want to go downstairs and say hi to the other boys?" He looked at me and said "Oh, okay" and then asked our host if it was okay? She said sure go ahead. Clearly Superstar didn't catch the other parents mentioning how the boys were downstairs playing because they already decorated their cupcakes.

Another mother, not our host, said "Superstar is always so quiet and polite. We really need to break him out of his shell?" I really didn't know how to respond to that, other then to give an awkward little chuckle and smile and say "Yes, he can be a bit quiet at times".

I've been thinking about these words from some time and I really don't know why being polite is such a horrible thing! I will admit that when he doesn't know someone or at a new place he can be a bit quiet, but when he gets to know you he opens up more. I think that's normal. I wouldn't have given much thought if this mother only mention the quiet part, but given she mention in being "polite" too, I'm taken back the whole thing.

Are kids 10-11years of age no longer polite? Is it no longer acceptable?

Public Schools, Homeschoolers, Socialization

FYI: This post is a bit of a rant. So don't say I didn't warn you. What follows is MY OPINION! So please keep that in mind!

Every now and then I get this urge to truly share my opinions, this is one of those moments. Those that have followed my blog from some time know that I'm a newbie homeschoolers. Our kids did go to public schools. We are still friends with several of the families that we met via public schools. It's funny we purposely bought our house because of the public schools. We live in a pretty big metro area, in the middle of cornfields, and we didn't want our kids going to the neighboring public school district. The neighboring school district is a royal mess, so we knew we had to avoid that area, thus we bought were were are now.

As I have mention before I have always wanted to homeschool, but I didn't have my husband's support. Seeing I didn't have his support I couldn't pursue homeschooling. My husband's biggest issue with homeschooling was his fear of lack of socialization for the kids. He wanted to be sure they socialization with other kids. Which in all honesty made sense at the time. After all we had only 1 car, a car I could not drive, because it was a stick, and he took the car to work everyday. Even if I had found a group, I wouldn't have had a way to get the kids to the group gatherings. So we left it at that.

Then after 2 years of having our kids in the public school system. We realized that it wasn't working for them. It wasn't the best we could offer them. Homeschooling became an option that we would look into. We had 2 cars now. So I can drive the kids places. We also decided that we would give homeschooling a 2 year trial and if it didn't worked out we would send the kids back to public school.

As I've said we don't have an issue with public schools; it just wasn't what was best for our kids at the time. Why? You wonder. Well mainly because the teachers were teaching to the middle, which is what they have to do. As a result our kids weren't getting what they needed in certain subjects especially reading and math. DD wasn't grasping the math, and DS was being held back with the reading. It's easy to say just work with them after school, but it wasn't easy. The kids were "done" with school by the time they got home at 3:00 pm. We already had their homework to do, so trying to add on extra study stuff was an up hill battle with them. It really was because they were done with "school" They spent 7:00-3:00 pm @ school. It was a long day! It was the same way for kindergartners too.

The other issue we were dealing with was the "socialization" that they were being exposed too. Our DD (kindergarten) would come home wanting to know when she can start wearing makeup, getting her eyebrow waxed, and a bikini wax. Why was she asking us these things? She was asking because that is what her classmates were talking about and doing! Yes kindergarten girls were going to school with make-up on! They're moms had taken them to the salon for eyebrow waxings and bikini waxings. Was this covenant socialization that we were wanting for our kids? NO. I knew I had to deal with these things, but I figured that would happen in 4th-6th grade. I just wasn't prepare for that to happen at kindergarten and knew in our heart that there has to be something better....that something better for us was homeschooling!

This means that I have better control over how my kids spend their time. They can spend more time on those subject that they need more help with and less time on those subjects that come easily. It also means I have better control over who my kids spend their time with.

Does that mean I want my kids to only be around homeschoolers now? NO, of course not, and to be honest I'm really getting sick to my stomach with the generalized comments I'm reading regarding homeschoolers and public school students. Those comments include things like "homeschoolers behave better, you can tell when a child is homeschooled because they have social skills, they play better together"

I'm getting sick to my stomach with we are homeschoolers therefore we are better then you attitude that I'm seeing from fellow homeschoolers in my area. I've seen homeschoolers in my area that have seriously frown on kids being in y-care, so much so that they will not allow their kids to play at a playground just because those public school kids are there.

All of this attitude is sicking! Let's be honest! It wasn't the public school fault that my daughter's kindergarten classmates were wearing make-up. That came from the parents! It's not the public school fault that kids are into YouTube, internet, PS2. That came from the parents! A parents' involvement or lack of involvement is what shapes our kids. It's not the child's fault that they are in y-care or daycare. They are there because often the parents are working. Often because they feel they don't have any other options, especially if they are a single parent. Sometimes parents don't have options. Sometimes both parents have to work just to pay the bills, because of their income, debt, trying to keep up with the Jones. We don't know why both parents are working, nor should we cast stones and write off every parent that does work and/or send their kids to public schools as bad parents.

Just because a child goes to public school doesn't mean they are bad kids. We because of our local public school system have met several wonderful families. Families that we are proud to call friends. Children that my kids enjoy playing with...honestly to see these kids interact with each other you would never know it was a mix of homeschooling and public school kids. They ALL play well with each other. They ALL care deeply about each other. They ALL try to included the whole group! Why? Because that is how the parents are! We as adults care deeply about each other. We as adults have taught our kids to do that. It's not an result of homeschooling or public schooling, it's a result of parenting!

My first and primary job is MOM! I share that with any other mother regardless of where their kids go to school. I share that with any other mother regardless of she works or not. Being a mother is a blessing from God and when we embrace that blessing we see wonderful fruit. I know because I have people tell me all the time how thoughtful my kids are. Even my kids' public school teachers would comment to me all the time on how wonderful my kids were. How they were full of compassion, caring, loving attitudes.

I had my DS public school 1st grade teacher share wonderful stories with me regarding my kids. She would tell me how my DS, in May, would walk into the school with my DD. The two of them would go to his locker. He would put his stuff away, then would walk my DD down to her classroom. When they got to my DD classroom he would kiss her on her forehead and then walk back to his classroom.

I'm so thankful that my DS 1st grade teacher was a wonderful lady, a grandma herself, who could see the love my kids had for each other and allowed my DS to walk his sister down the hall to her classroom. All the teachers knew and thought it was so cute and great to see a loving big brother! A few times my son's teacher would watch them the whole time and realized that my son was doing it because he genuinely cared about his sister and it wasn't used to buy time, or to goof off, because he wouldn't play in the halls. Thus she allowed it all year, even the last day of school this what my son did. That is what also lead me to homeschooling. I didn't want my kids to loose that bound with each other. Clearly my son didn't get any slack from his classmates about walking his sister down to her room, but I couldn't guarantee that his classmates in 2nd grade would be the same way.

Socialization is always a hot issues. It's not a public school issue or a homeschooling issue. It's a parenting issue!! We need to be better parents! What social skills a child has or does not have is NOT a result of where they go to school, it's a result of the parenting that is done (or not done).