I don't admire you

Over the weekend Web-princess had a retreat to go to as part of the confirmation prep. The retreat was at our church and was just for a few hours.

Throughout the retreat there was opportunities for the candidates, my daughter and the other 13-14 year olds, to express love, admiration, and respect towards their parents or sponsors. The candidates were told to turn to their parents or sponsors, after the parents/sponsors express two things they loved and two things they liked about the candidate, and express two things they love about their parent/sponsor or two things they respect about them or one of each.

My daughter sat there. She was struggling. She just ended up saying I admire you and I respect you. I was okay with that. I didn't press her. I could see she was thinking hard, but just couldn't come up with anything. Its hard sometimes to come up with things on the spot.

Later, the candidates were instructed to take their parent or sponsor by the hand and introduce them to someone they really did not know and express to those people one thing they admire or respect about their parent or sponsor. This made my girl uneasy. This is because first she really couldn't come up with anything before and she simply does not like talking to strangers. She's cool if people approach her, but she simply does not want to approach someone else. Knowing this about my daughter I didn't push her.

We just went to the refreshment table got drinks and I then asked her if she could at least express something she admire or respected about me. Just trying to see, seeing time had pass, if she had something specific to share. She had her worry face. The face I see often when she's afraid she has done something wrong. The face she has when she has regret. I gently and lovingly looked at her and asked what's wrong. Her reply, near tears, "I don't think I admire you." immediately followed by "I do love you and respect you." With that I just gave her a huge hug and said, "that's okay."

Sure, my mom pride and heart was crush a bit on the spot, but since the moment has passed I'm extremely thankful that my daughter was honest and was comfortable with being honest with me. She might not be able to express it or realize it now, but as she ages I'm hopeful she will say, when she's older, I admire that I can be honest with my mom .... even if it might hurt her some. Even though those words stung some I'm glad to have heard them. It's made me realize that perhaps there are things I need to change. What would you think if your teen told you, with sincerity, not out of anger, they don't admire you? What would you feel you need to do different? What would you feel?

First Holy Communion

Today was Web-princess First Holy Communion. Everything went well and over all I was very pleased with the day. She got to do the prayers of the faithful this year just like her brother, Superstar, last year.

The picture of her receiving is not the greatest because we are NOT allowed to use flash during Mass. We happened to be seated on the side that's why I was able to get that shot. It was not easy kneeling and taking the picture. My knees today hurt too. I normally I don't mind kneeling, but the kneeler on the side (the chairs) were we were sitting are much different then the kneelers in the pews. They hurt my knees, but oh well!

After Mass we were able to get pictures of Web-princess with several family members.  In addition to pictures with family we were able to get Web-Princess's picture with Father B.

Of the family pictures we were able to get one of my favorites is of Superstar and Web-princess together. I can't believe how much taller Superstar is! I'm often taken back by the height difference between the two of them because they are only 10 months apart. Superstar has pretty much always been a "head" taller then Web-princesses. Of course before he always stood on his toes. Perhaps that's why I'm more shocked lately.

DH and I also got our picture taken with Web-princess. We are so proud of her! This year was nice because I was able to sit back a little bit more, although the kids did need help every now and then. It was also bitter sweet because Web-princess was our baby. This will be the last time we will celebrate a first communion in "our" house. Sure I have nieces and nephews that will go through this, but it's really not the same.

I've also have included a picture of my Mom and my Step-Dad. This is because I wanted to point out that Mom and I were NOT wearing the same clothing unlike last year! LOL I don't think I could have lasted another year with her and I wearing the same clothing! LOL

Over all it was a good day! After Mass we hang, got pictures with family members, got Web-princesses gifts bless and then went home. At home I had a roast waiting for us in the crock-pot and a small chocolate cake for dessert.

DH, the kids, and I ate and had cake. Now we've put or feet up, and are chilling. I've check on Molly too. It looks like owlet number 4 could arrive today (if it hasn't already).

Tomorrow is Palm Sunday. Mass will be earlier then normal because the Bishop will be there. In addition to Mass we might to to a train show. Superstar LOVES trains.

Well that's it! Thanks for allowing me to share Web-princess' first communion pictures with you! Have a good Palm Sunday! (One more week to Easter!)

Body of Christ like Toast?

I just overheard 8 year old Superstar tell Web-princess.

I guess toast is like the body of Christ! Once it's the body of Christ it can never go back to being bread, it's always going to be the body of Christ. Just like toast is always going to be toast. It can never be plain bread again!

Another Sacramental Year!

It is another Sacramental Year for us! Web-princess has been quietly preparing to receive her first Communion at the end of March (The actually date escapes me now but I know it's the LAST Saturday of March).

I say quietly because I haven't blog much about it! I've lately have blogged about Superstar's ITW and his recovery, field trips, and Web-princess's convergence insufficiency issues.

Well last Saturday Web-princess made her first confession. It was a beautiful morning and thing went as planned. Actually we got a very pleasant surprise. Our beloved Msgr. S. was there to help out. Msgr. S. married DH and I and baptized both kids. He got resigned to other duties a few years ago and we haven't been able to see him.

So it was very nice to be able to see and chat with him Saturday. We tried to get Web-princess to go to Msgr. for her first confession, but she had her heart set on Father B. (Which was fine...but you can't blame me for trying to convince her otherwise right? LOL)

After spending the morning at the Church we went coat shopping. We found some really great winter coats for the kids for $7 each. We bought them at a JCPenny Outlet and bought them LARGE in HOPES the kids will grow into them by NEXT winter.

The JCPenny Outlet here happens to be next to a Burlington Coat Factory. DH insisted we try there first. I have never been in there and was pleasantly surprised about what they had (more then coats) and the prices. Some of it was very reasonable. They had these beautiful white dresses for girls. THINK CINDERELLA!

Seeing them reminded me how Web-princess is going to need a dress! I personally would love for her to look like a little Cinderalla! So I was looking at them and the prices. Several of them were only $30. I know that's still A LOT, but these were just gouragous Cinderella Dresses so that was very cheap! They were white and I knew that they would work wonderfully for Web-princess first communion.

I was asking Web-princess what she thought and if she would like to have one. She told me NO! They were too fancy!! While at penny's she pointed out the type of dress she wanted. It honestly is no different then her summer dresses. We did NOT get it because it was a wild floral print. We told her the dress should be white. She said I know that,  I'm just trying to tell you that's  TYPE of dress I want!

In the back of my mind I thought, sure you have the chance to have a fancy Cinderella dress and instead of jumping on it you tell me you rather have a plain Jane! Of course there is nothing wrong with a plain Jane....sigh!

Reading The Bible

Over the last year (or two) I have loosely followed a 365 day reading guide. I haven't done as well as I would like, but perhaps I should take notes from my son!

Followers to my blog know that over the weekend my DS received his first communion. He, not only received communion, but he received several gifts from relatives and friends. One of these special gifts included a Bible. The Bible he received, according to my mom, is the same Bible that is used by the students at our local Catholic-High School. (My mom used to work at the one and only local Catholic book store that parents, school staff, and local Catholics shop at: so she would know what is used at the local Catholic School~ LOL~)


Well he received this Bible and has decided on HIS OWN that he will read a chapter a night. He made this decision on Sunday Night. So as of last night, Wednesday Night, DS has read Genesis Chapters 1-4 and has plans to continue reading until he's done with the WHOLE bible. (The Catholic-Christian Canon)

Does anybody know exactly how many days that will take? Remember he's just reading 1 chapter per night.

As for the actual reading, DS is doing every well. There are a few words he does not know especially the larger words. He has taken turns to actually read the passages to either myself or my DH. So he's really reading it! The first night he read to my DH and DH started to correct him on the words he was getting wrong, those larger words that are harder for him to read.

This correcting really bugged my DS so much so that he said "Dad just let me read! I don't need you to correct me! I just want to read". DH decided to back off and let it go and I have taken my DH's lead on this one and I just let it go myself. I'm puzzled and amused on how DS can read and pronounces words like "garment", "cherubim", and "desirable" correctly, but misreads and mispronounces words like "serpent", "garden", and "childbearing".

Why is that? Is it wrong to just let him read and NOT correct his errors?

I'm just so glad that he has decided on his own to read the Word of God, that I don't want to spoil it for him, because he knows how special these Words are.

So tell me what do you think?

One More First Communion Picture

I just wanted to share one more picture with all of you. My DS was blessed with being able to say the prayers of the faithful during the Mass. Of course I did NOT take this picture during the Mass itself. However, I did take a moment before Mass to having my DS "pose" for the camera, as if He was saying the prayers....

First Communion

It was a LONG and busy day, clothing to get dress in, meals to be made, arriving on time, and just enjoying the moment. I was busy directing the kids when to go up that I actually missed the moment my DS received Holy Communion for the first time. However, I was beaming ear to ear when my DS answered Father's question. Father during his homily (sermon) today talked about the Last Supper and had asked the children a few questions. DS rose his hand with such confidence that Father couldn't help but call on him. :) DS had the "correct" answer! I was a little nervous about it, but that's okay, I think as mothers we get nervous for our children.

After Mass we took some pictures of the whole family:I can't believe that she, my mom, wore the same shirt:She's lucky that it was my DS big day! Gosh, the nerve of some people! When we realized we were wearing the same shirt, just different colors, Mom went on and on how she must be "hip" because she can dress "young". I just turned to her and said "Or my style is just OLD!" Oh, I had to run and hide after a remark like that, because I got that Mom stare, oh you know what that Mom Stare is! I don't have to tell you what that means! (It's all good now we laughed about it; and was laughing then)

At the end of the day DS is happy! And that is all that matters. Thank-You to everyone that kept him and our family in their prayers today.

First Communion: Tomorrow

Tomorrow is my DS's "big day". It is the day that he can join our Lord at the Eucharistic Table. Please keep him in your prayers today and tomorrow.

Thank-You,
SAHMinIL

First Communion

Those of you that have been following my blog for a while know that my DS has been preparing to receive First Communion. Today and yesterday we have been doing those final preps that needs to be done, buying outfits, clothing, shoes, stockings, etc. We also made it a point today to stop in at church to receive reconciliation. So we've been busy the last few days.

My DS picked out his own clothing and I must say I'm happy with his choices! DD even got a new dress for the occasion. I'm going to be wearing some slacks that I already had, but I went and bought myself some new shoes and shirt to wear with my slacks. Luckily for us, DH wears "dress" clothing for work, so he didn't need anything NEW. LOL

I have added a picture of the children's outfits for the day. I got DS outfit a 4 piece shirt, pants, vest and tie at JcPenny's for $20. I got DD dress at TJmax for $10 and my new shirt/blouse at walmart for $15. It really sucks when the shoes cost MORE then the clothing! Shoes today (3 pairs) cost $55 at playless. However we are all ready now, especially seeing we also went to confession today!! DS, even decided it was best to receive reconciliation today as well!!! (He had received his first reconciliation in January)

So we are now officially counting down the days to DS's first communion. The first communion Mass is going to be Saturday April 4th @ 2:00 pm @ our church!!! Congrats to my DS!!!



The one thing you may have noticed about the outfits is that DS's shirt is NOT white. It's blue with a white collar and white cuffs. To be honest, I'm okay with that. It looked really nice on him and he's going to look just fine when receiving communion.

DD dress looks more yellow in the picture then it really is. Her dress is actually a green. It also has flowers (white) and darker greens along the bottom and flowers around the waist. For whatever reason no matter how I took the picture the dress came out yellow. Oh well.

My blouse that I'm wearing is going to be blue, DH has decided that he's going to wear his green shirt. So we are going to be very "spring-ish" next weekend! :)

Lost!

This blog is about my homeschooling efforts as much as it's about my life as a Catholic-Christian. Part of being a "good" homeshooling mom is teaching the kids about God, faith, trust, hope, grace, etc.

Can I just be honest and say I just don't know anymore! I've felt the distance and disillusion for a while now, and I've just been going through the motions. I know in my "head" what all the answers are, and I've been good to spout out those things for others that are in my state of heart, but seriously there is a difference of knowing something in your head and feeling it in your heart. My heart has felt empty from some time now.

Sometimes, I lay in bed at night question if God is real, mainly because I feel so empty. I wonder in my head and propose things like well if he was real then xyz should happen, almost as if to dare God to prove his existence. Especially seeing my heart feels so empty now. I have read the many conversion stories of the saints and conversion stories of the unknown saints. Can I just say that at times these stories brings me sorrow, because I wonder what makes them so special that God shown himself to them in the way THEY wanted, and I'm left feeling in the dark.

I'll be honest; I know that's it's "bad" for me to think that way. After all I'm sure God has his reasons, after all every child NEEDS things differently at different times. We don't always get what we want, we get what we NEED and at times our wants and needs are the same. See that's the logical side coming in and rationalizing it for me, but in my heart I'm still wondering why, what's so special about them.

In the truth of honesty I haven't been to confession for a good 2 years now, and I thus I haven't received communion in this last year. Perhaps the lack of receiving has caused my heart to feel so empty. I don't know...

I've come close to going, but I haven't gone. Back in January my DS received reconciliation for the first time. It was a family event and the parents were encourage to be there and go AFTER the kids gone. As I blogged about it earlier, I was going to go until I learn there would be treats for the kid. Well honesty, I used the "treats" as an excuse not to go. I also never went the following week, nor have I taken my DS to confession. DH has but I have not.

The next closest time I came to actually doing a confession was this past Sunday. Our parish offers coffee and donuts after the 9:00 am Mass. Fr. B is always good about popping in at coffee and donuts and greeting the people. He's a good priest in that regard.

When he approached the table I was sitting at I thanked him for making my son's day last Saturday. You see my son had his first communion retreat this past Saturday and was making his banner when Fr. B stopped in to say "hi". He told my DS that he like his banner. So I shared with Father how that made my son's day. We went home that day and all my DS could say was how Fr. B liked his priest. (DS put a priest on his banner, I would add that DS was the ONLY one to have a priest on his banner; Is that saying something?)

Father, started to talk about parenting and I made a comment how it's hard because you are reasonable and scary because they (the children) call you on so much, and make sure you follow the "rules".

Father B, looked at and asked, "You do go to confession regularly don't you?" I didn't vocally give my answer, I just hung my head and shocked my head no. Fr. B immediately sat down and preceded to tell me it's not that hard, I don't have to go in the confessional, we could do it in his office, etc. He basically said everything he could, just short of telling me to do a confession right then and there.

I listen to everything he said and with tears in my eyes and I just sorrowfully looked at him and said "I know,I know, I know; I just don't understand what's stopping me, and it's so frustrating, because in a few weeks my son is going to receive and well I want to be able to too." At that very moment my DD (almost 7), who had been off playing, jumped into my lap and said "Mommy!!!" Well DD being there changed the mood. Father said a few words to my DD and then turn to me and said well I have to talk to the other people and left. So close yet so far way!

My just so lost! I know in my head what's missing, it's just getting my heart to follow and take action. I know it's NOT my church! It's ME!! Going somewhere else is not going to "fix" it; I know that....Please pray for me, because I don't know what else to do any more.

First Communion Classes

So today was the first day of First Communion Classes for DS. This is the second stage of the sacrament preparations that he has been doing this year. The first part was the preparation for reconciliation that he did at the end of January.

We are so excited for him. Today for class DS was chosen to talk about Jesus birth. DS told us that he was able to tell the class everything without his book. He even said the teacher asked him to repeat it because of his friends (classmates) weren't listening.

We, the parents, also had to set through a 15 minute presentation. What is communion? Why it's important? What the children are to wear? How we are NOT to use flash or lights while taken pictures during the Mass. etc. We also were given an pamphlet from Catholic Update on the Eucharist. The Catholic Update that received today is just one of the many updates on the Eucharist. Catholic Updates do cover a wide range of topics. To be honest it was a blah, blah, blah moment for me....but I was there because the parents were expected to be there.

So DS is excited! His first communion will take place on April 4th. Just before Easter that way on Easter Sunday we ALL can (will not DD she still has to wait another year) receive communion. My home parish tries really hard to make sure first communion happens BEFORE Easter so that our new communicants (I think that's the right word) can receive communion on Easter Sunday with their families.

Confession!

Well today was the BIG day for my DS! He received for the very first time the sacrament of reconciliation. He couldn't wait for this day! This morning before we left he was doing the "chicka chicka boom boom dance". (I'm not sure how else to describe what he was doing LOL)

When we asked him how he felt about going he said "I'm nervous, but I'm also EXCITED" He truly was grinning ear to ear. So we left this morning, arrived at the church shortly before 9:00 am. We walked in and sat down in the church. Shortly after 9:00 our rector started with a Gospel reading (the prodigal son). After the Gospel reading he did a short homily (sermon) and then explain to everyone that he would be in his confessional and one of our associate pastors would be in his confessional.

The rector then went on to explain that the children were to go first and then when the children were done the parents and/or older siblings were free to go confession. He also said that afterward we were invited to go to our fellowship hall area for coffee, tea, hot coca, donuts and fruit.

So we asked DS who he wanted to go to and he choose our associate pastor and thus got into line. After leaving the confessional he did his penance and then I took him and my DD to fellowship hall for donuts, fruit, and hot cocoa. DH stayed behind and when to the confession himself. The original plan was that I would go to, but we didn't know that there would be treats and the kids just wanted to go.

While eating our treats my DS asked "Mama, why didn't you go?" I told him because I felt that I needed to be mommy and keep and eye on you and be with you while you are here (in fellowship hall). My kids are good kids and I really do trust them, but I also know that it was best to keep an eye on them. I then shared with my DS that I would be going next Saturday and he right away perked up and said "would you take me?". I said sure if he wanted to go I would take him. He just beamed ear to ear and said "thank-you mama".

After a few moments DH joined us in Fellowship Hall and said that he asked Father how DS did. He said to Father I know that you can't tell me what DS said but I'm just curious on "how" he did. Father told DH that DS was very confident. Confident!!! Wow!! I then asked DS if he went face to face or behind the curtain. DS said "behind the curtain"; then I turn to DH and ask "Well then how does he know that it was our DS". DH just said, "Father knows"

I was taken back by that...yikes!!! Reflecting on it; it's NOT a bad thing. It just shocked me that's all, especially seeing this was DS first time and I can't imagine that DS told him his name, nor am I going to pry into what DS said, because truly it's none of my business. I just was shocked that Father would know MY kid by voice..... Wow, is all I can say. We finally left the church around 11:00 am. We easily spent at least half of our time eating and chatting with others.

It was a good morning. Now DS is just steps closer to receiving his first Communion. That will take place in April.

This Saturday!

This Saturday my DS will walk into the confessional at our church to receive for the very first time reconciliation. He of course is a little nervous, but at the same time he can't WAIT!!! He has been counting down the days and today announce with joy, the same joy a child would get when it's days before their Birthday and/or days before Christmas, "Mama ONLY 5 more days"!!!

To be honest I never in a million years would think a child would be so happy about this day coming; It does me good to see that he is so happy about it! I'm on the other hand think I'm more nervous about it all then him. Our church has set aside a special time for this to happen not only that, but the parents and/or older siblings are encouraged to receive the sacrament as well. So really it's a "family" reconciliation time, with special care for those that will be receiving for the very first time and for those that may not have gone for ages!!

I'm still at times in shocked that my DS is old enough for all of this!! At times it seem as only if yesterday he was in Kindergarten. Oh my how the time goes by...

After this Saturday there will be a week or 2 off then after that they will start up the Communion Classes. My DS is set to receive First Communion on April 4th. At this time I don't know if he will actually receive communion or not. I'm leaving that up to him. He'll have to go to the classes, but when the time comes he will have to decided if this is what he wants. He, on his own, has decided to go ahead and receive reconciliation. He'll make that decision when it comes to first communion as well.

I still can't believe it's that time!!!! Wow!!!

Sending Them To RE Classes

Sometimes, like other homeschoolers, I wonder if I should be sending my kids to RE (religious Education) Classes. The RE classes are held outside of Mass (our church service) so the kids still go to Mass with us. However, I'm starting to wonder if it's worth our time to send them to class.

Our Parish (Church) has "normal" RE classes once a month for the kids and then if the child is preparing to receive a sacrament they go to a sacrament prep-class weekly. Right now our DS is preparing to receive the sacrament of reconciliation. So he is going to the prep class after the 9:00 am Sunday Mass (service).

We are there and I don't mind staying around. Many of the parents stay and hang out in the fellowship hall area chatting and having coffee. Also many of us have younger kids that are NOT in the prep class so that kids play together. However the issue arises when DS shares that class is boring because he knows all the stuff already that they have been discussing in class.

So for him he's not "learning" anything new and that is upseting him because he wants to learn something new. I don't want him to be bored in class nor to I want to assume that he knows it all, but I do know that he know more and perhaps more "ready" then most of his peers. I truly believes that it has to do with who we are and what we have taught our kids.

So we have to supplement and add on a lot of information because my DS just wants to learn more and beyond what is being offer in the RE classes, especially in the reconciliation class. I happen to be an RE teacher for my parish although I am NOT teaching the reconciliation class. I know that the class is the very basic because many parents do not offer this info nor teach it to their children so I can understand my son's frustration in not learning anything new.

For example my son ask us: "So if God knows the past, present, and future. He knows everything that we are going to do or say or want. So does he want to hear our prayers? Does he want us to say them? Does he "love" that? Because you know he already knows it. He knows everything. So does he want to hear it even though he knows it?"

I want my children to be fed, but at the same time I don't want to assume that they can't be fed during the RE classes at the Church. I just don't know if it's worth sending them any more or not. They enjoy going because they do enjoy the teachers, crafts, and kids. They just get flustered at times when there is nothing new to learn.

My DS said this prep class was nothing like he expected it to be. He thought for sure they would learn about some saints, see the confessional, and learn some examples of sins to confess. Instead it's the Adam, Eve, the apple, and the 10 commandments. Mom I know what the commandments are, I know what happened to Adam and Eve..... (There are only 2 more classes left and then he will receive the sacrament of reconciliation the 31 of this month)

I just hope it's better for him when he starts his First Communion Preparation Class in February. I don't know: What do other homeschoolers do? Do you send your kids to RE (religious Education) Classes or do you just teach them yourself? I do teach my kids. That is clear if my DS feels that he knows everything that is being taught to him. I just don't know if I should be sending them to RE classes anymore. Over all I feel that I can do it and I'm doing it, but it is nice to send them to class too. I'm just confused I guess seeing that DS doesn't feel like he's being fed during RE classes at the church.

Sacrament Preparation

DS is in 2nd grade and as most Catholic-Christian Mothers know it's a "big" year when it comes to the Sacraments. First Reconciliation AND First Communion...

I happen to be a RE (Religious Education) teacher at my home church. Seeing I spend the time to volunteer teach RE, I send my kids to the RE (CCD) classes. I'm not sure what other homeschooler do for RE, but for us it works; plus my kids really do enjoy going to the RE classes so there is no reason not to send them. Besides it only makes sense since I do teach them. :)

One thing that I know that I'm doing different then my parents is that I'm making it clear to my children that receiving the sacraments is totally THEIR choice. They do NOT have a choice in going to class, they must go to class, they must receive the preparation for sacraments, but it is totally THEIR choice to actually receive the sacraments or not to receive them.

They asked why do they have to learn about the sacraments, why do they have to go to the classes and I told them, because that's the only way they are going to know if they want to receive the sacraments or not. They need to know about them and know what they are in order to make a decision if that is something they want to do or not do.

The First Reconciliation is schedule to happen the end of January. That's just one month from now: As of today DS is wanting to go to Reconciliation, and I can tell you that to me is a good thing!! I would naturally be disappointed if he choose not to do it, but I can respect that.

He for his bed time story wanted DH to read the mini-book we have on the sacraments. So DH read it; He also asked questions on how would he know if God wanted him to be a priest or not. DH told him PRAYER and talking to other people, especially a priest... So who knows what God has in store for my little boy.

This year it's my DS, next year my DD will be going through the same sacrament preparations. WOW!!! Sometimes I'm just in shock of how old they are now; it at times only seems as if yesterday they were in diapers and learning how to walk. Where did the time go??

I pray that my children have the will to LISTEN to God's direction; It's so easy for God to lead, but it's not always easy to follow. I'm not sure how other Catholic-Christian parents feel about leaving the decision to actually receiving the sacraments up to their children, but I feel that it's the right thing to do.

If we train them up the in the way they are suppose to go they will NOT stray. So I have FAITH that they will do what God wants from them to do, I'm giving them the tools and training they need.